Beyond a "Good Job": What Young People Really Need From Parents When Choosing a Career
As parents, we want our children to be okay.
We want them to have opportunities. We want them to be financially secure. We want them to find work they enjoy, build a good life and, ideally, avoid some of the mistakes or difficulties we've experienced ourselves.
So when a teenager reaches the final years of school and suddenly has to make decisions about subjects, university, TAFE, apprenticeships, work and careers, it's understandable that parents want to guide them towards what we see as a "good job."
But I think we need to reconsider what we're actually preparing them for - because the goal isn't to help a 17-year-old choose an occupation that will keep them secure for the next 40 or 50 years.
The goal is to help them develop the skills, confidence and agency to navigate a working life that will almost certainly change.
The world of work isn't predictable — and neither are careers
One of the most useful shifts in modern career development has been away from thinking about careers as predictable, linear pathways.
The Systems Theory Framework of career development, developed by Wendy Patton and Mary McMahon, recognises that careers develop within complex and interconnected systems. Our interests and abilities matter, but so do our family, relationships, socioeconomic circumstances, education, health, location, culture, opportunities, labour market conditions and countless other influences. These influences interact and change throughout our lives.
In other words, choosing a career isn't simply a matter of matching a young person's interests and abilities to the "right" occupation.
Career development happens within a life.
The Chaos Theory of Careers, developed by Robert Pryor and Jim Bright, takes this further. It recognises complexity, change, chance and unpredictability as normal features of career development — not inconvenient interruptions to an otherwise perfectly executed career plan.
And that's important.
Our children will encounter opportunities we can't currently predict. They will experience economic changes, new technologies, changing industries, relationships, health events, relocations, redundancies and moments of chance.
They will also simply change as people.
So perhaps we need to stop asking:
"How do I help my child choose the right career?"
and start asking:
"How do I help my child become someone who knows how to navigate their career?"
Parents still matter enormously
This isn't an argument for parents stepping away from career conversations.
Quite the opposite.
Parents are enormously influential in young people's career development. Australian Government research has identified parents as one of the greatest influences on young people's career decision-making.
But influence and control are not the same thing.
Research into adolescent career decision-making has found that young people who experience greater autonomy support from parents report greater autonomy and competence and lower career indecision. Research has also linked controlling or overparenting approaches with greater career indecision and career expectation pressure.
This aligns strongly with Self-Determination Theory.
Self-Determination Theory proposes three basic psychological needs: autonomy, competence and relatedness.
For career development, that gives parents a really useful framework.
We want young people to experience:
Autonomy: I have a say in the direction of my life.
Competence: I can learn how to make decisions and handle what comes next.
Relatedness: I have people beside me who will support me while I figure it out.
Supporting autonomy doesn't mean saying, "You're on your own — work it out."
It means being beside your young person without needing to be in the driver's seat.
Be careful when your hopes become their pressure
This is something I encounter in my work with young people.
Sometimes a young person isn't struggling because they have no interests or ideas.
They're terrified of making the wrong decision.
They don't want to disappoint their parents.
They know they're academically capable, so they feel they should go to university.
They've heard that they're "too smart" for a particular pathway.
They know Mum or Dad thinks a particular profession would give them a secure future.
They've internalised the idea that this decision is going to determine the rest of their life.
Suddenly, career exploration stops being exploration.
It becomes a test they feel they have to pass.
Parents generally aren't trying to create this pressure. In most cases, they're trying to protect their child.
But we need to leave room for young people to develop ownership of their decisions.
They need opportunities to make choices, experience consequences, change their minds, discover what they don't like and learn that a decision not working out doesn't mean they've failed.
Those are career management skills.
Replace prediction with preparation
We cannot possibly predict everything our children will encounter during their working lives.
But we can help them become better prepared to respond to it.
Instead of focusing solely on which career your child chooses, think about the capabilities you're helping them develop.
Can they research an opportunity?
Can they ask good questions?
Can they talk to unfamiliar adults?
Can they identify their strengths?
Can they recognise what's important to them?
Can they make a decision without needing absolute certainty?
Can they ask for help?
Can they recover when something doesn't work?
Can they recognise when circumstances have changed and reconsider their plan?
Can they learn something new?
Can they manage money?
Can they take the next step when they don't know exactly where it will lead?
Those capabilities will remain useful long after their first post-school decision has become irrelevant.
Exposure is incredibly valuable
One of the most practical things parents can do is help young people encounter the world beyond school.
OECD research examining teenage career preparation has found associations between career-development activities during adolescence and better later employment outcomes. Activities involving direct encounters with workplaces and people in work are particularly valuable.
So instead of another conversation around the kitchen table about "What are you going to do with your life?", help your teenager gather some actual data.
Encourage them to:
get a casual job
undertake work experience
attend university and TAFE open days
speak with someone working in an occupation they're considering
volunteer
attend career expos
try short courses
research different occupations
investigate multiple pathways into the same field
ask people what they actually do all day — not just what their job title is.
Then change the conversation.
Instead of asking, "Did you like it?", ask:
"What did you learn?"
Maybe they discover they hate sitting at a desk.
That's useful information.
Maybe they love working with people but dislike sales.
Useful.
Maybe they thought they wanted medicine and discover they're fascinated by allied health.
Useful.
Maybe they get a casual job and discover they're surprisingly good at leading people.
Also useful.
Career exploration doesn't need to produce an immediate answer to be valuable.
It needs to produce information.
Teach them about money — without making salary the entire conversation
Financial literacy belongs in career education.
Young people should understand tax, superannuation, debt, saving, budgeting and the cost of the lifestyle they imagine having.
OECD PISA research has found a relationship between financial literacy and positive financial behaviours. Students with stronger financial literacy are more likely to demonstrate behaviours such as saving and comparing prices. The OECD has also found that students who regularly discuss spending decisions with their parents perform better in financial literacy.
So talk about money.
Not:
"You can't do that; there's no money in it."
Instead:
"Let's look at what people in that field actually earn and what that might mean."
Talk about starting salaries versus earning potential.
Compare the financial implications of university, vocational education and employment.
Explain HECS-HELP.
Show them a payslip.
Talk about super.
Explain rent, mortgages and bills.
Let them participate in everyday financial decisions.
Financial literacy gives young people another tool with which to make informed choices.
It shouldn't be used as another mechanism for making the choice for them.
What if my teenager genuinely has no idea?
This is often where parents become most anxious.
If your child doesn't know what they want to do, you don't need to force an answer.
But I also wouldn't advocate doing nothing.
Keep them moving.
This is one of my strongest beliefs as a career practitioner: the next small step is often more powerful than the perfect plan.
Apply for something.
Get a job.
Visit somewhere.
Talk to someone.
Try a course.
Explore an industry.
Volunteer.
Learn a skill.
Take one semester and reassess.
Action generates information.
Information creates greater clarity.
And sometimes young people need to experience something before they can possibly know how they feel about it.
The goal doesn't need to be "Choose your career."
The goal can simply be:
"What's one useful thing you could do next?"
Questions worth asking your teenager
If you're trying to support rather than direct, the questions you ask matter.
Try:
What are you curious about at the moment?
What kinds of problems do you enjoy solving?
What have you learned about yourself from school, work, sport or other experiences?
What definitely doesn't appeal to you?
What matters to you about the kind of life you want outside work?
Would you like me to help you research some options, or would you prefer to do that yourself first?
Who could we find for you to talk to about that?
What's one small thing you could do to learn more?
And perhaps one of the most powerful:
"Do you want my opinion, or do you want me to help you think it through?"
That question alone can completely change a conversation between a parent and teenager.
We don't need to raise children who have it all figured out
I don't think our job is to produce 17-year-olds with perfectly articulated five-year career plans.
I want something much more valuable for them.
I want young people who understand themselves and know that understanding will continue to evolve.
Who have enough financial literacy to make informed choices.
Who know how to find reliable information.
Who can recognise opportunities.
Who aren't paralysed by uncertainty.
Who can ask for help.
Who can make a decision and take responsibility for it.
Who can cope when circumstances change unexpectedly.
And who have enough agency to change direction deliberately when they change.
Our children are going to build their careers in a world different from the one in which we built ours.
We don't need to navigate it for them.
We need to help them become really good navigators.
References:
Ahn, J. S., Plamondon, A., & Ratelle, C. F. (2023). Different ways to support and thwart autonomy: Parenting profiles and adolescents' career decision-making. Journal of Family Psychology, 37(2), 161–172. https://doi.org/10.1037/fam0000982
Katz, I., Cohen, R., Green-Cohen, M., & Morsiano-davidpur, S. (2018). Parental support for adolescents' autonomy while making a first career decision. Learning and Individual Differences, 65, 12–19. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.lindif.2018.05.006
Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development. (2024). PISA 2022 results (Volume IV): How financially smart are students? OECD Publishing. https://doi.org/10.1787/5a849c2a-en
Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development. (2025). The state of global teenage career preparation. OECD Publishing. https://doi.org/10.1787/d5f8e3f2-en
Patton, W., & McMahon, M. (2014). Career development and systems theory: Connecting theory and practice (3rd ed.). Sense Publishers. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-94-6209-635-6
Pryor, R. G. L., & Bright, J. E. H. (2003). The Chaos Theory of Careers. Australian Journal of Career Development, 12(3). https://doi.org/10.1177/103841620301200304
Ryan, R. M., & Deci, E. L. (2000). Self-determination theory and the facilitation of intrinsic motivation, social development, and well-being. American Psychologist, 55(1), 68–78. https://doi.org/10.1037/0003-066X.55.1.68